In My Veins
by thebadwitch13
Summary: She had always been your sun…and you were just a cold moon, falling to her gravity over and over again


_Disclaimer: I own nothing_

_Note: Written to "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle._

_

* * *

_You knew you were dead.

…It was now a fact of life, er, death.

You would like to say that it was an accident.

You just tripped and fell off that roof.

(Yeah. Right. Like anyone was going to believe that, not even Max was that stupid)

So now you look down upon your mangled bloody body.

You regret nothing.

* * *

She had always been your sun.

…and you were just a cold moon, falling to her gravity over and over again, reflecting only the light she shone.

You remember the first time you saw her.

You didn't want a sister- you liked being an only child, you didn't want this creature invading your home, sealing your parents, your toys, your food…

Then Mom handed her to you.

….you looked into her brown eyes

And she stretched her hand towards you…

…she wrapped her soft tiny hand around your finger.

And _everything _changed.

You weren't Justin Russo anymore.

You were Alex's Big Brother.

….and you _loved_ it….

A protector, a knight against any Big Bad Wolf that would hurt your little princess...

No one would hurt her- not while you were around.

…too bad you turned out to be the Wolf.

* * *

Of course you had always loved her- how could you not?

She was your little sister.

…she was _yours_.

She gave you your first kiss, that day on the playground…

…she tasted like _jellybeansandsin_ and it was all of two seconds-

and Alex declared on the Jungle Jim that she was going to marry _you_, no one else.

Everyone just thought it was cute…

…except you.

It wasn't cute.

….because you knew, even at seven years old, that you couldn't marry her.

You died a little.

(She forgets about the Kiss, but you never did- ever)

* * *

Of course, it just got worse as you got older.

…she met a little red-haired girl, and suddenly you weren't Alex's world anymore.

She started leaving you….started to tease you…

…started to _push you away_.

It was HarperandAlex now.

…and you learned what jealousy was.

You died a little.

* * *

Years went by…

…and you weren't even friends with her anymore.

…it was all pranks and fighting...

.. and… and _painhurtfearlove._

But she still came to you.

…when she was in trouble, in pain…

She. Came. To. You.

Not Dad or Mom or Harper or Max or…or _Dean_…

You.

…but then she left again… with Him.

(Kissing him, holding him, smiling at _him_.)

…and you died a little more.

* * *

Sometimes you wonder if she knew.

…that Night That Shall Not Be Named…

By the campfire…

It was just the stars and trees and dancing flames…

Just JustinandAlex.

…no, you couldn't have imagined that look in her eyes…

(_"How can we not? It's you and I")_

…and then… the unthinkable…

You forgot her.

…she was just this crying _sadbeautifuldangerous_ girl you didn't know.

…then the fallen angel said those words

(_"…Justin, Justin- I'm your sister-")_

No.

Nonono- she couldn't be.

It was a lie! A... a sick joke…

….but you knew that it was true.

So you told her the truth too…

("_I'll never leave you_")

You never did tell her why.

* * *

…it wasn't like you meant to fall in love with her.

Really.

Why would you want this?

…this life of sleepless nights and tears and… and _hatehatehate…_

You tried to get rid of it.

…Juliet almost made you forget, almost gave you something close to happiness.

But then she was taken from you.

(….sometimes you think it was God's punishment for your sin…)

And you were left with this sickness again.

* * *

You had thought it over carefully

…you had made a list of all possible outcomes…

And really…

...there had been only one answer.

So you decided…

And everything seemed to click into place…

Everything was clear and clean and for the first time since before she was born-

-you felt like _you_ again.

…you left a note- the hurt would fade over time, you were sure…

And it wasn't like jumping…

...it.. it was _starsburningout and blackholesbeingborn_

And you Flew.

(You died with a smile on your face)

…you regret nothing.

Because now…

Now you were free.

**Note: Suicide is never the answer- take it from someone who knows firsthand. Because Justin is wrong- "the hurt " never fades-it just stays a scar on your heart, forever. Reviewers receive hugs and hot chocolate. **


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